pursuit of happinesss

when I am bored either in the tourinform office or at home, I often tend to take facebook quizzes...

once there was onre called: what is the word that describes the most? as someone who writes ( i don't like to call myself poet/writer) i was pretty curious: i got beautiful( i would say crazy) and one sentence in the descprition caught me: "you are the girl everyone wants to be..."

well, there is some truth in it... i am told to be pretty and smnart, i have a marvellous and supporting family background, lots of friends, although usually i dont feel myself satisfied.... honestly only when i am drunken or rarely when the weather is that beautiful, so i am able to make quite nice photos...

but alltogether i just cannot be happy. like sylvia plath the more i know the more i just miss from my present life.

i'll hopefully finish unersity soon and continue/or restart my studies abroad though i do know that if i cannot find happiness inside of myself i won't be able to reach it anywhere else neither...

of course i have happy moments.

the time i spend with friends.

and the joy of creativy either photos or writings...

things that are not considered to be valued by "adults"... such as sunshine, a tasty cappucccino, the beauty of colours on the street,a smile, touch of flowers blossom, a cuty cat/dog...

but these moments disappear very fast.

like the ones i have spent with guys. honestly i can not tell that i was completely happy by any of them.

something was always missing. after the moments of passion and heat i become sad, depressed... i just sit, hug my knees and waiting for carress just like a smaqll cat...

all normal people are able to be happy. me i just cannot.

or for just some moments. i want them last longer. but i do know i cannot...