I decided to write in English as this way my thoughts will
reach more people. Those I regularly speak to know that recently I’ve been
having diverse conflicts and problems about my dorm here and now I am
struggleing with finding financial resources for the rent in May as I don’t think my
parents possess suffisiant money for helping me.
Making a long story short, I decided to borrow from Peter (my ex with whom we are still friends)who has once offerred me his help and his money, so I told him the complexity
of French administration (my family background he knows well) and asked him
whether he could lend me some money in the beginning of May and replied if his
exgirl friend (the owner of one of the most expensive and prestigious wedding
dress salon in Bp) pays his loan back.
Then I became not angry but furious so we had a terrible
debate as he can NEVER understand my point.
I feel completely indignant when I hear about those sort of
„Sex and the city” women. She is quite rich, over 30, divorced, has multiple
lovers and an expensive little doggie as companion.
Living in 120 sqaure meters alone (of Peter’s money of course),
smoking and drinking like a university students, wearing expensice clothes,
having about 40 pairs of shoes and KEEPS ON COMPLAINING on her miseries.And he told me he doesn't want to get her previous partner IN TROUBLE.
I just can’t stend these selfish wh*res!!!
Some people do not have money for food, particularly after
the recession and she keeps on smoking and drinking and then spend gallons of
money on tennis classes and botox injections for reparing her skin.
I have already written about fashion and I was criticizing
the prize of luxury and social injustices that are unfortunately getting
higher.
I just can’t stend that streets are full of beggars while
these women are just collcting superficous things to make themselves happy and
then just throw them away.
I get sick of this world, the glamour, the dust.
Inside the stilettos there are nothing but ugly, distorted
legs and the face a fixed smile conserved with artificial methods.
I am getting more and more sick of this.
I love French and Scandinavian women who use no more make up
then necessary who are feminine not only in high heels but also in sport shoes.
I wish one day I will also possess this „légér” attitude of
French women, the „je m’en fous” about my complexities and just feel good
myself in my own shape that I would only
influence my aptitudes with natural methods: vegetarian lifestyle, jogging, laughing,
sunshine, good sleep and some cucumber for my eyes in exam period.
I just want to be myself, not copying others or competing with
them, but to be free from old, bad habits. I hate being criticized for not
eating meet by those who smoke expensive cigarettes and risking their own
health. Western people are SO stupid. They just spoil their health and then
just spend their salaries for getting their beauty back. And they commit all
measures possible to maintain the image of youth and sexyness: they are no more
having bath in maiden’s blood like Catherine Bathory but they are spending
fortunes and risking their own health and often on credit. Recently, I am
studying Economics and I have learnt that the 2008 crisis was a results of
over-crediting and over-consumption. Well it could have been stopped if people
give up competing and they try not to pretend a higher standard of living they can not
afford from CREDITS. Moreover, while consuming ENOUGH and not more we need, the
food problems of the world could be also solved or at least eased.
As for me, I consider myself selfish, whiny and always
dissatisfied, who thinks she is the same time better and worse thene everyone
else. I maybe egocentric as I always search both problems and solutions in
myself, but I am also idealistic as I do hope that one day this will change and
one day everyone will be able to learn from his/her mistakes and get to his/her
limits and don’t want to be good for false ideals and companies hungry for
profit from dissatisfaction (they may be the dementors of our ages) but just
accept themselves and not take more as they need, but help those who are in
need.




